Fairness

  In a world filled with chaotic insecurities, whoever said that life was fair was not being honest, and I don’t believe the lie anymore. I see it all around me. I can blame politics, work, people, religion, or genetics on a myriad of problems or inconveniences I may be experiencing, but my reality is that I am my biggest problem and the creator of most of my difficulties. And what do I need to do? ….get over myself… we all go thru life challenges. Tragedies will strike….and ah-hah moments happen, when we look inside ourselves and say, “is this really happening, but it just doesn’t seem fair,” and sometimes, without question, it may not be. I share this experience because others may have lived thru or witnessed the pain that occurred in my family when my son was 10. He began starving himself, literally, to death. His mother, who passed away in 2009, was experiencing her own version of the madness that happens when our lives spiral out of control, and he was witnessing his father, slowly and methodically, kill himself, too. I know, it is heavy stuff. So, what did he do? In his own way, he tried to control the parts of his world that he could and that was by not eating. He was the starting linebacker on the 130 pound league football team that fall and began the season at 115 lbs. By seasons end, he weighed 52 pounds soaking wet, eating less than 400 calories a day. Thankfully, our Children’s Hospital has a pediatric eating disorder clinic that we began to visit early on when I began to notice the changes. His mother passed, and miraculously he slowly began eating again. The pain I witnessed in watching him starve was devastating….. and I was powerless to do anything about it but pray to a God that I really didn’t believe would hear my prayer at the time. So, I continued to kill my own version of the pain I was witnessing, the whole time thinking, “why me”, “why him”, “life’s not fair”……and what I learned, interestingly enough, was that the symptoms of not eating is at the center of the very problem I had with drinking and drugs: control. We both were trying to control the parts of our world that were out of control. I get it today. Thankfully, as he began to put on weight…..I rejoiced at the sight at just watching him eat an apple…..then a piece of chicken….then some sweets…..wow, and today, you would have never known the struggle. Watching this forced me to ask God to cleanse my soul. It’s a process, and I won’t move forward until I become willing. He has learned earlier in life than I did, that life is valued in the understanding that some of us get dealt a bad hand at times, but the lesson is in playing a bad hand well…..again, God helping my family…… again, and again, and again…..good day!…b

 Bible Verse

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