Control

The fastest man on two legs in the Berlin Olympics knew the struggle when he wiped out another man’s idea of supremacy.  Jesse ran. I compartmentalize. In my head, I place scenarios or events in “boxes” to help me deal with the fallout.  A lot of angry men do this, and we don’t even know it. It’s a survival technique to help me not feel the real experience. I’ve been able to shut those parts of me off so I won’t feel loss of control, but that’s not letting go….that’s hanging on tighter. I understand life takes risk, just like monopoly, and not taking them  may be driven by some form of control. I’ll psychoanalyze, overthink, and have “frozen thoughts” that kill the will and the spirit to try. For a controlling person, this doesn’t  work well on those situations, people, and events for whom I only think I control.  I don’t have to know why. I just have to accept. So, I stopped trying to figure it out and control it.  Take the solved drink problem I had. I knew it would cause me problems long before I took the first drink….but I had lost all control to control the controlling behavior that had controlled me……and it all starts in my mind. The same applies to people and situations. It’s amazing how that delicate balance of neurons, axons, and dendrites have the power to actually kill a man willfully when a brain cell produces a thought that crosses into the neural system. Turning to God to help me as been the pivotal point in my return to a civil mind. The blessing of it all?…I get to enjoy the presence of God, and see just how big He really is no matter where I am along the journey of learning to let go..….good day!…b

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