Seriously

I never knew I took myself so seriously until I turned 15 and my girlfriend told me so. When I turned 40, my girlfriend told me the same thing. I wonder which one was right? Of all the buttons in my brain, the ‘relax’ one seems to get stuck the most. Oh, and the ‘take it personal’ one does too. Let us have a little fun and sometimes I think everybody else is just not doing life right. I guess that means the joke is on me.  Here’s my  part that  I’ve discovered. It’s rooted in control, fear, and perfectionism. I got to do it “right” or not at all my brain tells me, extremism wound together tight. Why did I take that drink or drug in the first place? Probably to help me unwind and relax. It worked for a long time,  and  the doctor’s words about ” liking the ease and comfort we get from that first one or two” is a vast understatement. I loved how it made me feel…. relaxed and care free. Until bills stopped getting paid, work stopped getting done, and the “ease and comfort” became my only way to cope. So, at times I have to remind myself, ” lighten up, dude…stop taking yourself so seriously,” and then I can unwind my mind, let go of the fodder, and simply be. That is freeing. I want to be free because I know what bondage can do. Free to enjoy life, free to be happy, free to let go, laugh, and remember that no matter the circumstances… I’m just about as care free as I make up my mind to be…..good day!…b

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