Any lengths

One of the questions early on a sponsor might ask a sponsee is “are you willing to go to any lengths to stay sober?” At first, desperate and hopeless for change, we invariably say, “yes.” My brain was so frazzled at my dropping off place that I had no idea what that meant. Having continued to work the 12 steps, gained my self respect back, and trusted the process, I understand better what it means… simply means exactly what it says. Thru high and low feelings, good and bad times, life experiences, and personal crises, I have to ask myself this question daily. It may mean giving up something for awhile. I love college football, but for the first two years in sobriety, I watched games at home alone while the party roared in streets, on tailgates,  and cul de sacs in my head. Around and around, all I could think about was what I was missing by not being there. Just the smell of malt and whiskey at the game was more powerful than my ability to process the outcome. Ballgame or life? Sometimes, it gets that simple. Other triggers for me to get high could be an outdoor concert, cooking out, or pitching horseshoes. Invariably, my mind will tell me, ” you need a reward because you did so good.” Having been ruled by my emotional nature, I have to look where worry,fear, or excitement fester.  Now I watch my favorite team, and by the end of the game, I am completely worn out without having had drinks, and I sleep better win or lose. Today, I hit my knees  and ask God to help me do His will. A huge ordeal for a trigger happy guy like me.  I also have to lay down  the gun in order to go to any lengths….good day!…b

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