Self Knowledge

It’s where we go, and what we do when we get there, that tells us who we are.
Joyce Carol Oates
 I know about half as much now as I thought I knew way back when. It’s probably good to admit it since I’m a self confessed one time know it all. The craziness is that you didn’t even have to ask me because I’d just tell you. If you weren’t listening, I’d get louder. Twain said its “best to be silent and let people think you’re a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt.” The idea is insane that I can outsmart the disease of addiction when it’s knocked me to the canvas, round after bloody round. Educated and smart are two entirely different angles. Addiction knows neither.  Until I became willing to surrender, throw in the towel, and let God have it all, very little ever changed. I have to constantly and vigilantly remind myself of that fact. When I think I know best, it’s usually time to run it by someone who has the wisdom and gift of discernment based on their own experiences. My best thinking,rooted in selfish desires, usually produces chaos, confusion, rebellion, and complete debauchery. Then, I act out in ways that get me in trouble. All from a man who at one time was afraid to let people know that he really didn’t know the answer, so he’d just lie and try to convince you it was true. On the flip side, I can get so “spiritually minded” that I think I know all the answers to finding God.  That is spiritual pride. The only experience I can give a new man to recovery is to get God in it quick, and pray for willingness. At least that is what works for me. I can know a little about a lot, but it’s what I do that matters….good day!…b

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