Desperation

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Letting life flow can be as difficult as letting go. Ultimately,  they meet together at a place called surrender. Until I became desperate enough, the fact was that little in my life had changed. Sometimes a man has to lose it all, just to get his life back. Desperation is so painfully obvious to others that even I can’t hide it. Out of those moments  come some of the most passionate and creative changes in a man’s life.  Some call it a gift. I call it a blessing. Holding on and refusing to let life flow is hard work. Its easiest to just open up and let the flood waters go. They say water follows the path of least resistance. I did too before I became desperate enough to surrender. Unfortunately, I have to be beaten to a state of complete annihilation to slow down.  It’s kinda like looking down the barrel of a 12 gauge shotgun backwards, …….but your arms aren’t long enough to pull the trigger. That’s desperation. Its an all time low to recognize that I’ve become the man I had always despised. Reaching over the next morning to take a swig of the bottle next to the bed is completely demoralizing. Today, I have a reprieve and a desire to change. It took all of it for me to want a better life. I want to keep this joy and freedom desperately.  For a long time  I was unwilling to yield to the pain and heartache I put on myself and others when I would relapse into old patterns and behaviors. I’ve been there, and I don’t want to go back. God gives us all chances, and I’m grateful for mine …..good day!…b

Bible Verse

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