When I was a boy…..

lilfun

sideways

I still get sideways as you can see, but in a whole different way now.  I went  barefoot until my feet were tough enough that I didn’t need shoes as well.  In fact, my mother never made me wear them until I started school. She taught me that there are more important things in life, so she introduced me to a man who had no feet. She also taught me that the more you have, the more you stand to lose….when I was a boy. I gave it away chasing him all my life in one way or another. It went way bad, though. When you think it is cool driving with one eye shut and one head light, then something has to change. It did when I found the ease and comfort of that first drink in my teens. It was better than anything I had ever met, but I was still a boy trying to act like a man. The problem was that I never thought like a man when I grew up. My reactions, relationships, and emotions were all juvenile and boyish. I could not accept life on it’s terms, so I conned, manipulated, and lied my way for a piece of the puzzle that I never could fit together. I have tried everything to accept my lot, but some of the most liberating moments of my life have been learning to embrace that little boy again. That’s vulnerable and tough all in one.  It has taken a lifetime of misfortunate circumstances for me to determine that something besides the head light needed changing. It was me all along. Drugs can’t fix it, alcohol can’t fix it, relationships can’t fix it, having stuff can’t fix it, but God can. He never wanted to watch me slowly kill my own spirit trying to run from myself anyway. He just wants the best for me by His good grace….good day!…b

Bible Verse

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