Vexations

We all have them. Call them what you’d like: annoyances, inconveniences, aggravations, indignations, exasperations, or irritations. Those little pin pricks in life that cause us some form of discomfort. Those days when the kids are sick, the toilet won’t flush, and the dog will not stop barking. Then I become irritable, restless, and discontented unless I can experience the ease and comfort I get from that first one or two drinks according to Dr. Silkworth.  We also have those people in our lives that deal us fits. Its usually the ones closest to me that annoy me the most, maybe because I know them better than anyone else. It may be my daughter repeatedly asking to be taken to the movies, and she has forgotten the meaning of the word ‘no’,……or a coworker, lover, or friend. With these types of scenarios and people, alcohol became the go-to solution, but the solution became my main problem. I know today that the problem is not alcohol, the problem is within me. The caveat is that unless I address these vexations, they turn into huge resentments, and that, the book suggests, is my number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. I’ve spent most of my life there; in fact, I got on my own nerves much of the time. I couldn’t find that ‘sit myself down, quieten my mind place” where there was peace and calm. I would pace the floors until the bottom of the glass fell out, and I would either race back to the store for more or pass out. My tolerance level got scary high. High enough that it took more for me than others to let those annoyances go. But I was drinking then, accepted it was a problem, and I lost a part of me in that bottle. A part that helped me adjust to those pin pricks that had become thorns. Just like I had to learn that every rose has them, I have had to learn new ideas to live, love, adjust, and tolerate others, and along the path I have found a way to put up with myself……good day!…..b

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