Somewhere On the Dark Side of the Moon album, Roger Waters sang ‘’running over the same ole ground, what have we found? The same ole fears, wish you were here.’ And some days, irregardless, I wonder why the same old fears? After all, I thought I could easily spot them. ‘A distant ship smoke on the horizon,and a feeling once again….this is not how I am, I have become comfortably numb.’ In the program we call it the easier, softer way. In sobriety, I can readily admit, I have thoughts that take me back, even though consciously I know that the path leads back to utter insanity. It’s about die hard change, and recognizing those fears and insanity is progress, and each day I must stay the course. Addictions do not take vacations, but the old thinking can crop up and make me wish that I were there. If it were not fun some of the time, I would not have stuck around so long, but self awareness is paramount to those back road thoughts that lead to dead ends. Oh, I get sideways, a little narcissistic and egotistical, and then I remember that I’m just one man and one story with one life because in the end, irregardless of how it happens, it is inevitable. I believe in the after life, and I believe I’m preparing my soul for it now…in how I treat others, the way I act, and the things I say. I’m not perfect, but I’m not ruled by those same ole fears, either. Somewhere in staying sober God freed me of that mind set. It doesn’t work to try to control everything else when my own life is spiraling. So what do I do? I go back to the actions that work, staying connected, and not giving up on God or people. After all, relapse after relapse, others didn’t give up on me either. They just prayed one day I would get it, and thankfully, God does the rest…..good day!…b

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