Remembering  that God did not create me to watch everyone’s life transform, two of the most healing actions I’ve learned while on this earth are forgiveness, and my admission when I am wrong. Understanding that if I had gotten what I deserved would have been the death penalty, helps me better understand the words, “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.” Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Forgiveness helps me let go of hurt and anger. It is a process that frees me to live life more fully. Forgiving is not forgetting, excusing, reconciling, or being weak. As one person put it, “Forgiveness was one of the hardest things in recovery for me, but now it means to let go and not to let the people who hurt me keep me locked to them with anger.”

The ninth step is about amends. It’s me righting the wrongs. That is the point in my recovery where I began healing from my past. But what about those who have already left this earth? My sponsor suggested that I write  letters that I could not send. Then I wrote the response that I would have liked to have heard from the other person. Letting the issue go is not always easy, but in every occurrence, I have a part to play. I finally had to learn that I don’t need anyone else in order to achieve this freedom. It is given as a gift when I am willing, open minded, and honest. The only person that can stop me from forgiving myself for the past is me. God has already forgiven me and doesn’t remember it anymore. Today, I not only want to be drug and drink free, I want to experience the freedoms that God has placed in my path. It really is an inside out job….good day!..b

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