Acting As If

“Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”-CS Lewis

How many times I have heard the phrase “act as if” and it flew right over my head.  Some topics need my experiences and response, not my silence or opinions. It’s where my demons hide.  Holidays are tough for lots of reasons: endings to another year, sadness of lost loved ones, and the fear of the unknown. All can drive me over the edge. I remember one time loading everything we had in a 26 foot trailer and moving out of state. Dreams come slow, but die so fast. It is an uncomfortable topic for many of us until you get that phone call, and then you realize you have no choice. I know because it happened six years ago last week. Life can be such a cruel teacher. I will no longer stand on the sidelines of life and watch life go by me. I can tell you the pain and suffering we all have had to endure as a result of her taking her own life. Survivors don’t want sympathy but awareness, so we learn to “act as if.” Life’s game plan can change quickly. My old one was killing me too. Watching friends and loved ones drown themselves in a bottle is sad and disheartening. Fear, abandonment, and shame creep in like a night crawler on a full moon night. There is one thing I’ve learned, and that is there are some things in living even daddy’s can’t fix. This time of year must have been extremely tough on her. It is on a lot of people. Somehow, we all want a revelation and understanding. I can’t afford to live in the “what ifs” because there is no solace there. What I can do is reach out to others and share with them our family’s experience.  We don’t make excuses, but we can make adjustments, and be relational with the lady who shares that her daughter was locked in the psyche ward last Christmas for attempted suicide. I encourage you to share your stories because it gives people hope and reminds us that we are not alone……God’s peace…..b

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