Who and What I am….

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My identity, how I think and what I feel, is rooted deeply in my experiences. These are what have shaped my way of viewing the world. Some experiences have made me better, while others, I am ashamed to admit, worse. We all have our war stories. I remember once in New Orleans,  I told my myself I was going to sit in a bar and watch a football game to prove I could drink like a gentleman. With no mental defense, it all came crashing down when that compulsion hit. No consequences or repercussions ever entered my mind when it would happen. Needless to say, that trip home was not very fun.  Today, I understand it better when those hot thoughts produce a feeling. I must take action if I want to stay sober and forge thru with gut level honesty to take full advantage of what I’ve learned. That is wisdom. When I acknowledge who and what I am, I understand that most of the answers to my identity crises, can be found right there. That’s acceptance. When my thinking changes, my behaviors begin to change, too. What I am looking for now as compared to a few short years ago is not the same. I don’t have to sit in bars to prove anything. That is surrender. Socrates abhorred wealth and would take his sandals off, walk barefoot in the market while looking at the men’s fine shoes. When asked why?….he replied, “to see what I am perfectly happy without.” That is serenity. Being human forces me to look at myself. So, here’s my challenge: I will do the best I can with what I have today, make amends when I am wrong, grow my spiritual life, and help my fellow man: that’s the program in action……Good day!….b

One thought on “Who and What I am….

  1. Thanks for this post (and all the others). I am in that place of accepting my mistakes in sobriety as opportunities for growth and having a few more experiences in my pocket. The past couple of weeks I’ve had to put the “bat down” and just accept my faults and resolve to move on. My thinking has been clouded with those “hot thoughts” and today (one day at a time) I hope they dissipate allowing my behaviors to follow.
    Thanks again!

    Like

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