Solitude

imageSometimes I have to slow down my brain like Kay Redfield Jamison describes in her book, An Unquiet Mind, and especially around the holidays. The world and it’s people really have the power to dominate me if I allow it. I’ve worried about the outcomes in situations where I absolutely have no control, but my thoughts race like quarter horses down the backstretch. Finding solitude in a cluttered, chaotic framework can be difficult. I must create the space necessary to feel safe once again. Chemicals were the only way, in the past, I could get my wiring slowed down enough to process even the little events that were occurring at the time. Then a thought gets obsessive and I can’t let it go. My addiction used to be like that, and  my thinking still can be. Recognition of it is huge progress for me, before my actions turn into a fear based onslaught. Just because the circus leaves town, doesn’t mean that the monkeys stop showing up all at once. Today, I use the same tools of recovery that worked in the very beginning: meetings, sharing, reading recovery literature, working with others, prayer, and making alone time.  I try to center my thinking on one word, and concentrate on my breathing. I’ve paid good money to learn that.  I have also found that exercise releases endorphins, natural painkillers, that help too. Listening to my inner voice helps, as well. When I’m tired, I rest. When I’m angry, I pause. When I’m frustrated, I pray. And when I get overwhelmed, I  call my sponsor or someone in the program and listen to their experiences. Chances are that they probably have been there before and worked thru it sober. After all, that’s the goal, one day at a time….blessings!…b

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