The Process

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In a 24 hour period, I process emotions, feelings, beliefs, and my actions, and its a full time job. Growing in recovery is a process as well because the feelings and emotions given to me by God can take on a whole new life. I feel sucker punched, I isolate, and then I find myself curled up in a fetal position on the couch wishing for an end. I’m reminded that I’m just a work in progress, slowly being refined by the choices I make. It happened in early recovery. I was about half way thru my character defects list in Step 6 when I realized I should be sharing my hope with others, but the book says I can’t give something away that I don’t have. I was seven months sober at the time, and I wasn’t quite ready. The process occurs within me naturally when I follow thru working all the steps and take suggestions. They work synergistically in my life now. The spiritual awakening the book talks about comes along thru the process of abandoning myself to God, cleaning my mess up, and helping others, but I can’t help a man when I’m unwilling to ask for help myself. That’s the reason the steps are in order.  Sharing honestly in meetings has been a process, too….I already know all the cliches. For years I sounded good, but I could not maintain much clean time without relapsing. The reason is because I didn’t want to go thru with the soul searching process it takes to find freedom. Today I know I have to because I’ll go back.  That’s what I do. I have a disease that convinces me that I got this now.  I become my own god, and give up on the process. Iron sharpens iron. If I want to stay in spiritual shape, I’ve got to do the work that keeps me fit.  Nobody I know starts working out without a goal of looking and feeling better. That’s the same with my recovery with the addition of acting better. I laugh out loud when I get asked by a close friend if I’m “behaving myself.” She knows me well.  It’s a daily process of taking responsibility, relinquishing control, and helping others. A process that works in rough going….good day!…b

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