I’m no expert on God, or holiness, or divineness, but I do believe God is everything.  What I had growing up were religious experiences based on my self righteous and  judgemental attitudes. That particular idea of God didn’t work for me. Sure God can use me, but He doesn’t want a half hearted poser. Bill Wilson wrote in the 2nd tradition, “we have but one ultimate authority…a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.” I found the “spiritual experience” of finding God thru honestly working the 12 steps of AA. It’s a foundational model of success in any walk of life for those who are badly mangled. I once thought that in order for me to be in God’s favor and receive His mercy, I had to get it all together on my own before I asked Him for anything. Today I believe that nothing is farther from Truth. There’s no ‘need’ for God if I already am everything, know everything, and have everything. That is spiritual arrogance and a detterent to my own personal growth. I know better now, so I just ask God simply to give me the willingness to believe that He will supply all of my needs. I had been finally beaten down enough by self will that I was willing to surrender. I do look to see where religious people are right now, but walk into a house of worship almost anywhere, tell them all the things you’ve done, and you’ll become the topic of discussion at the courthouse cafe’s after church brunch. For a man to have walked in shame for so long, it’s a wonder I ever treaded water. I was drowning in an abyss of pressed khakis and starched polos, and boiled as an owl by 2 o’clock Sunday kickoff. I still attend church to this day, but I’m not drunk by two anymore. My name doesn’t appear randomly in the local newspaper either. Imagine that, a God that works. What I learned is sometimes a man has to figure out in life what god doesn’t work in order to appreciate which God does…good day!…b

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