Adjustments

 

I’ve never played hockey in my life but then again I’ve never had a formal golf lesson either. I had much rather watch his genius on skates than watch the golf channel any day. My father bought me right handed clubs when I was 13. The problem was that I am a natural left hander. It’s never been a handicap because I’ve just learned to adapt to a world made for right handed people. The desks where I sat in priamry school were for right handers as well, and the scissors were turned inside for my left hand. I knew  even then that perhaps I was different. I always have. That small little boy was already wracked with fears and insecurities and couldn’t color within the lines.  I felt like I had to put my crayons into someone else’s box at the end of the day. From the world I knew as fear, anxiety, and anger, I have grown and learned to embrace my individuality more. When I looked back on my life honestly, I began to grow from those introspective moments……my mother had been sick all  of my life with an autoimmune disorder that eventually killed her way too young. I always feared the most when her conditioned worsened. I got angry and turned inward because I did not learn the coping mechanisms that so many do before tragedy strikes. So I fought, ran, pushed, and pulled myself as best I could. Trying to find some control in an uncontrollable world is tough. I had to make adjustments, and found it to be even tougher. We all do, at least those of us who have surrendered to the idea that we can escape these obstacles we face without being scarred and mangled in some sordid way. Emotional sobriety occurs when I do what I say I’ll do, and turn the rest over to God. In early sobriety, I would call a friend in the program and rant and rave like a lunatic. He would always remind me that what works is working with others. I had to make adjustments and get out of my world. I had allowed the outside world to determine how I felt on the inside and for me that is fatal. When I learn the lesson that I have to make adjustments and not excuses , then I can move forward with the life lesson….good day!…b

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