Successful failings

imageReality can be tough some days, so tough that many fall into the ‘gap’ and do not recover. It could be terminal illness, loss of income, or drug dependence. If I could have quit drinking double malt scotch while I still had time…….. I still wouldn’t have. My lot in life was never to lose at anything;therefore, failure wasn’t an option. But try as I might, I found that I could not win at everything. Nights getting hammered led into days that led into weeks and eventually years. I was a sore loser, and fought the very idea that somehow I had failed. Admitting failure is not as tough as accepting it, but both can be difficult to maneuver. The shift occurred in me when I began to see the need for endings, that failing was necessary to ensure my success. It didn’t register that learning how to admit and accept defeat, hence powerlessness, was a problem I had wrestled with almost all of my life. I beat dead horses, and I rode ones with  bad legs so long that I couldn’t grasp the concept that just working harder at something would not necessarily give me the results I wanted. I had to look inside myself to identify the source of the problems  that ultimately would give me the answers to why I had to self medicate.  Understanding failings as successes are the lessons that teach me to stay grounded in what works. The fourth step taught me that I was the problem, and the fifth step gave me some relief, but the false pride and sense of ego  is why I must let go. Otherwise,  I don’t learn the lesson, and I return to what is comfortably chaotic. Nowadays,  when reality gets  overwhelming, I stop fighting; I pause, and give myself a day to ponder a solution. That action is successful in reacting to life in a much more productive way. Then, my thinking doesn’t produce a feeling that somehow I got something wrong. It’s in accepting the failures that I can learn, grow, and be successful…..good day!…b

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