Reelin’ in the Years

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….and stowin’ away the time. Thank you, Steely Dan, for the song way back that reminds me that challenges and opportunities will come and go in my recovery. What’s a challenge for one, may become an opportunity for another. Step work teaches me that. Who wants to die knowing that it will not matter how much time was spent in the office? Call it counter culture, but I think some parts of the “hippie” movement of the sixties and seventies produced more than just good music. It passively yielded an ideology that caused others to question their own belief systems and ideas on sexuality, drugs, war, music, politics, and television. Janis Joplin loaded up her talent and disdain for almost anything organized into her car in Texas where she grew up, and headed to the Haight Ashbury district in San Francisco where she became one of the rebels of the era….and it was heroin, not the idea of having a counter culture lifestyle, that killed her.  Drugs do that, not ideas. I was sitting in a meeting last night when the lady to my right shared that her fiance had just lost his life to heroin two weeks ago. They have a 16 month old child and she was so grief stricken that she could barely hold up her head. She is struggling to make sense of  a world that doesn’t right now.  Driven by fears, anxieties, and character defects in my own addiction that I could not see, it takes work to get out and live life on its terms, and it is a cruel teacher at times. I read the stories, I hear the pain, and somehow on a pretty day, I think it will be different this time. That is the mind of a chronic alcoholic. It never goes away, that sense of ease and comfort. So, while I’m in recovery, I am going to get out and do all those things I couldn’t when I was holed up thinking that life was doing me wrong. My perspective changes when I get high, and I, like others, start to feel invincible. Then reality hits home, and I’m reminded to go and do those things sober that I used to just talk about while I was drinking…….#but4thegraceofGod….b

 

 

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