Eddie Vedder, frontman for the alternative ‘grunge’ rock band Pearl Jam, knows something about heart and desire. He knows a thing or two about choices as well, and some are made for us whether we like them or not. He was told as a toddler that his stepfather was his biological father, so growing up he never knew his real dad. By the time he was in high school, his biological father had already passed with MS. While surfing in San Diego, a friend invited him to audition his unique baritone voice in Seattle, and guess who wrote the songs? Eddie did, the words coming to him while he surfed, born out of the pain of being lied to his entire life. We all have to soothe the pain somehow. Some take photographs, while others paint. Some write songs, while others become poets. Out of my pain, comes some of my greatest, most gratifying moments. The need to escape was never more glaring than in my formative years. I know my biological father, but I, like Eddie has confessed, felt alone much of the time even when a lot of people were around. It’s sad when what once worked, no longer does, and I lost the power of choice. Alcohol is a great persuader like that. It robbed me of the power of making the choices that somehow might have altered the course of my life. So, I searched and found God within me, those good qualities that I had always respected in others. Today, I find God in places where I had never looked before, like words in songs, and out of that inspiration, He gave me the heart and desire to at least become willing. He also restored my choice. Recovery is a choice I make today because the options are limited. I can choose a spiritual path and work toward growth, or I can throw up my hands and quit. Even when life throws me change ups from the set up reliever, and I know the outcome will be bleak,the Giver of all choices gave me a thousand tries, and the heart and desire to change…….good day!…b

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