Moving Forward

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I onced lived in the delusion that I could do anything, say anything, and be anything, only if I managed well.  I could also choose to blame my life’s turns and twists on others, but then I would just stay stuck in the problem. After all, I discovered while doing some self examination required for me to become the man I’ve always wanted to be that my perception was skewed, and I was the problem. Every situation that cost me has also come with knowledge I’ve acquired about change, and sometimes change is necessary and good.  It’s hard in these times to not get overly saturated with the ‘it’s all about me’ mentality.  We work ourselves to death trying to show others that by acquiring more, we somehow are successful. Nothing could be more of a contradiction to who I want to be now. I want to finish out life hiding nothing nor trying to prove anything. I’ve earned my time here in suburbia but I’ve grown weary of this style of life. I need a slower pace, and a lifestyle where I can ride my bike and never have to change gears. Couple that with good recovery, and the fact that I can pick up my groceries and put them in the basket on the front of my Townie, and I’ve arrived. I found the place several years back, all muddled up in my kayak catching sea trout over oyster beds….and I fell in love with it. It’s not the crystal blue water nor the pearly white sands of the gulf, but at least I can go for a morning jog by the sea on the hard packed grayish sands of Eastern Time.  The ecology is diverse, and the history and food are steeped deeply in the traditional roots of Southern culture. So, I’ll give away the excess, and load up a U-haul. I’m heading to the Atlantic to finish making a life after my oldest graduates in a couple of months. Today, almost four years sober, I can go about anywhere and write a new chapter or stay frozen by fears all provided that I remind myself how moving forward is necessary while accepting that an ending’s time has come…..good day!…b

 

 

 

 

 

 

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