“We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness, we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace. ” BB p. 83-84
When I came into the doors of AA, I found a glimmer of hope in the promises. Hope that somehow God would take the obsession to drink away, and He did and will continue to do so provided I follow a few simple steps. Steps designed to get me closer to my Creator. The God who is for me, wants me to succeed, wants me to be happy and stay sober when defeat, disappointment, and despair come. My God isn’t a get rich quick schemer who says I can by pass go on the board and skimp on doing the soul searching necessary to find that peace that passes all understanding. Even the peace ebbs and flows, but I have experienced it at times and I want more of it. I must, or I will look elsewhere to try and find it.
“Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us, and we will intuitively know how to handle situations that use to baffle us” BB pp 83-84
I never wanted anyone to believe that I was scared, so I wrote out all my fears and the reasons I had them. That is work, my friends. To see that I was actually scared to do many of life’s little chores just to survive. Maybe I was sheltered, or maybe naive, but I learn how to live in spite of my fears. I still have them, but they don’t drive me to complete debauchery like they once did. Economic insecurity ebbs and flows too, depending on my willingness to let go of my wants and take care of my needs. Those situations like why I should have to pay a speeding ticket when others drive around with no insurance use to baffle me. Today, I pay the ticket and the insurance, and I’m not baffled anymore. I keep my side of the street swept, and leave your side alone.
“…..and we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we never could do for ourselves.” BB pp 83-84
Working the steps and living a life of recovery has brought me to a place where I am more comfortable with myself. I realize that I am a work in progress and am really trying to move in the right direction. Now that I like who I am, I can look back on who I was and understand that was all part of the process of getting to where I am today….good day!….b