More about Alcoholism

image“What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? Friends who have reasoned with him after a spree which has brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. Why does he? Of what is he thinking? “……Bill Wilson penned these words in the chapter, ‘More about Alcoholism’ in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would pound my fist on the bar and sigh, “not me, not now, not again.” It’s really a profound question, and any abnormal drinker could give you a myriad of reasons why. It’s physiological, psychological, neourobiological, psychosocial and inherit in those of us who have lost the power of choice. It’s the first one that always got me, not the last. It’s the reason I hung around the keg long after the party was over. The same reason I drank against my will. Then, I would feel shame, guilt, and remorse and repeat the same cycle all over again. I liked what alcohol did for me, but I hated what it did to me. It’s kind of like a start up relationship. Everyone is happy in the beginning, floating around like butterflies in the garden of life. Then, one drink, two drinks, three drinks, floor. The whole world changes for everyone whose life the problem drinker touches. Hearts are hardened, saddened by what appears to be something one can just snap out of in a flash. Nuh uh, not this guy. I drink and I’m walking around in a circled stupor, completely befuddled by a question I cannot answer. A day turns into three or four, then I’m off to the races. I need the reminders while writing what it used to be like. The lonely, isolated feeling of knowing that I have a disease that no man can fix. It’s perplexing, tragic, and sad to see others go back now. They lose hope, they drink, and are cut off from the ways they once walked and talked about as the reasons why they were sober. Perplexed? I was too, for years, until I accepted that I simply cannot take a drink, turn around and walk off. It takes courage to admit it, but it takes faith to live it. Sobriety is a gift, given to those who have smashed the idea that we can no longer drink like gentlemen……good day!….b

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