Personal Responsibility

Screenshot_2016-04-15-10-22-56-1It really is up to me whether or not I work with the gifts that I’ve been given. With 6 months of sobriety, I embarked on a spiritual journey that would transform my thinking and consciousness. With the support of one man and lots of teachers, I began to learn new techniques and ways to live drug free.  The spiritual principles of the 12 steps acted as a guide, opening a world of possibilities that were invisible to me when I was using drugs. I started to connect more and more with myself and others versus buying into the story of my own ego. This was the principle that taught me that I am divine. I had never looked at myself that way. I had only connected with my humanness which I judged as wrong and bad. When I consider myself as a divine being, I know I am innately good and only then can I have compassion for myself and others. Substance abuse, mental health, and trauma are all parts of my story, and understanding those released me of having to shame myself any longer. Personal responsibility is the foundational key that opened the door to those freedoms.  I had been living in victimhood and compared my life to others whom I believed were more successful than me. Then came the harsh realization that no one was coming to avenge my victimhood which was difficult to accept and embrace. Today, my life is what I choose to make of it. I’m healing, and life produces uncomfortable feelings. The same ones I got high over. There still are brief moments when I use circumstances to disturb my peace, or I can choose to look inside, and see what is being disturbed. When the substances were taken out of the equation, I realized how strongly I felt judged by others. I didn’t have the tools to make a different choice. I did know that if I didn’t change my thinking that I wasn’t going to maintain my sobriety. I was 41 years young then but was experiencing these life changers for the first time. What I know today is that my life isn’t just happening to me anymore; I’ve found a way to be the owner of my experiences thru taking personal responsibility. Read the words of a brother who had the tortuous task of turning over his elder brother to the FBI after reading his manifesto and recognizing his writing style. ” Responsibility to me means taking responsibility for one’s own suffering, finding in one’s own pain the seeds of a wider compassion, not an excuse to inflict pain on others.” David’s brother, Ted, was the Unabomber; a man imprisoned for life for the murders he committed because of his disdain of the industrial revolution and advances in modern technology. He has an IQ of 165, a doctoral degree in mathematics, and suffers from paranoid schizophrenia.  Life has twists, taking responsibility for my part still takes work…..good day!…b

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