Days of Future Passed

imageNowhere had I found the sense of ease and comfort that I once got from a sip of Scotch than when I was a boy. In fact, it’s inherent in me and has been ever since I took that first drink I am now convinced. It created wide open spaces.  I wanted to be outside, and that’s exactly where my mother let me play. Growing up in the country afforded me opportunities to eat wild blackberries straight off the vine and walk thru cattails so tall that they looked like skyscrapers when I looked up into the golden rays of the sun. But I’m certain there have been a few life lessons I missed out on growing up virtually alone, with no kids my age to play with like there were in neighborhoods in town. I guess the trade off has been my appreciation for hung up gobblers and catfish trot lines. I understand that walking down dirt roads under tall loblolly and long leaf pines is not everybody’s idea of a good time, but give me a little moonshine and suddenly the walk becomes a euphoric rush of a place that time almost has forgotten. I miss those days. And sometimes, quite frankly, I miss that buzz. If I told you otherwise then I would be lying. After all, it wasn’t the taste and feeling that sobered me up, it was the consequences. I had to dig deep into my childhood to find nuggets of wisdom to learn to appreciate what makes me tick. Isn’t that the purpose in life, to make meaningful connections with the past in order to understand what better choices I can make going forward to ensure my sobriety another day? It’s not always an easy called purpose. In fact, it can be down right painful to dig up emotions thru experiences that have shaped my psyche for a few decades, but I had to connect those dots.  Finding those parts of my life that I quarantined into the dark corners of my mind and finally talking about them openly freed me from bondage. And alcohol was my only way, I thought, to do that for a very long time. Drinking puts me into a fantasy state, an anesthetic so powerful that it kills everything in its path if left unchecked. It actually does have the power to kill. I have watched it happen to friends and loved ones for a long time. I miss them, too. If making a connection to my past by retracing the steps of my childhood were all it took, I’d have stopped right there. The miracle happens when I take a walk down memory lane for a moment and remember not to romance the stone for too long. I’m grateful that I’m still alive, and enjoying the days of my future that have also already passed….good day!…b

 

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