Taking time

Screenshot_2016-05-25-10-05-29-1I’ve wanted to  be able to tell my story, have it close on a happy note, and write what I did in third grade:THE END. What I’ve learned in recovery is that time stands still for no man, and so I move forward with hope and purpose. I’ve been to juke joints with chicken wire covered stages, and I’ve ridden on a yacht so massive that it took 5 men to run it; and none of it made me happy. I found happiness is not related to my external experiences. It’s an inside job, just like hope. I looked everywhere for God, too, and realized the Spirit was inside of me all along. Hopeless beyond hope trying to kick a habit that was killing me, one toke at a time. I never had a desire to quit actually, but the body and mind do some crazy stuff that  helped me realize that I wouldn’t make it out alive if I kept using and drinking. Today, I strive for authentic vulnerability and let you be the jury.  It’s who and why I am. Terror and bewilderment had me by the throat and were choking the life blood out of me. I avoided people in the end, and isolated to a point of pure insanity. I had enough wherewithal to not want others to see me in a hopeless state. The good news is that I remained persistent and kept attending meetings and watching others’ lives transform before my very eyes. The ones I saw making it were doing for others, working for others, and making time for others in order to get out of themselves. And they were staying SOBER; folks making time for others to show them hope and sharing their experiences openly without shame, guilt, or remorse. Those of us who’ve been there understand in a judgement free zone. Relapse is always an arm’s length away. After all, others loved me, hugged me, and cried and laughed with me just to help a struggling, hopeless addict and see for themselves why they didn’t want to turn back to that life. Addiction is not funny but our stories can be tragically comic, and I’m grateful that God put others in my life who make the time to show me how to live a life of freedom one day at a time….good day!…b

 

 

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