Stinkin Thinkin

imageMuch change has been running thru my life lately. So much so that I’ve missed my time writing. I get caught up in the rat race like everyone else I assume, but then again, I learned a ways back that assumptions will kill me. Maybe I am the only one running around my recovery these days like a cat chasing its tail. I push my meditation and reading aside, I think it’s raining to hard to get to a meeting, and I get crazy thoughts like stealing a hub cap cover off a car in a Wal Mart parking lot. Thankfully, I have tools to help me manage today. I thought thru the guilt and shame I’d feel, and the thought of stealing left me. All that was stolen was a little peace of my mind for a moment.  Who thinks like that?…I do, and when my thoughts get squirrelly, I had better talk with another alcoholic. I’ve never been to a meeting where I could not relate, in some way, to the patterns, behaviors, thoughts, and actions of another sober alcoholic. This morning, I got a 7 am dose of the true nature of this disease. Unfortunately, it’s tragic and fatal. Two of the first three shares involved stories of others who had some time in sobriety, and just like that, the first drink and now they are dead. Another reminder to me that my thinking is what gets screwed up, even when I know the outcome will be horrific. So, I have to pray, and today I asked God to take away those thoughts that carry me back. A thought produces a feeling, and a feeling produces an action. That’s simply how my mind works. If I still had the obsession to drink, I’d be a goner. Thankfully, God restored me to sanity by working the steps and carrying the message. All of us who have battled addiction get it. The battle is won each day when I surrender. I stopped fighting and threw in the towel. Now, it’s up to me to let go of those thoughts that get me sideways…..good day!….b

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