Family Disease

imageI’ve watched the ravages of addiction far too long completely suck the life blood out of family members; mine and others. There is a solution, thanks be to God. For the selfish addict I was and can still be, and think that I was only hurting myself was twisted, but then again, I was the sick one, and it’s my side of the street I have to keep swept clean. These are miracles that happen when I surrender. I don’t won’t to live with the thought that my kids will see me wasted out of my mind anymore. But what happened before I got sober I must never forget. My children cried and asked me to stop. My brother ran a “family intervention” to help me understand the damage I was causing. My mind was warped and the thought and obsession of that next drink is all I wanted. The only way I can explain how I got sober is a belief and faith in God who removed the obsession because I had tried everything: sports, school, women, retreats, vacations, geographical changes, doctors, counseling, and psychiatrists. I’d build up false hope, and then after a few months dry, I’d shake everyone’s faith in me right back to the core. I even visited an Al Anon meeting, an organization to help loved ones understand and cope with an addict, with the belief that I was going because everyone else had the problem….and then I’d drink again. It’s a progressive disease that rolls on in my body and mind whether I pick up another drink or not. I instantly understood the writings in the Big Book, and that was where I found God. As my faith grows, I can share that today I believe more in the teachings and parables of Jesus Christ, and I believe that when I die, I’ll be reborn. I gave God a chance, and He proves me right all of the time. I guess I really am that stubborn. In the pages written by other alcoholics who shared their “vital spiritual experiences” of how they were living sober, happy, and free is where it dawned on me that I had to change, not everyone else. Denial is a big obstacle. No one likes to admit defeat. After being sober a while, my little daughter asked me if I’d been drinking. I asked her “why?” After all, I had just come home from a meeting and laughter and joy filled my soul. She said that I seemed too “happy.” Then it hit me that it took her over a year to start trusting that my actions were in line with my words. It’s humbling to think back on now. They tell me Rome wasn’t built in a day; therefore, the disappointment, mistrust, and despair of loved ones doesn’t just return. It takes time to rebuild the wounds I’ve caused my family and to show them that a rebirth really can happen here on Earth as well….blessings!…b

One thought on “Family Disease

  1. I just lost another family member to addiction and they are mad at me for pointing it out. How dare I want them to stop before they too die. I loved your meme thank you for sharing keep pressing on one day at a time. Your family will thank you and you will reap the joys to come.

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