Killers

imageI haven’t had a cigarette in a long time. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I smoked a full pack, but it’s an addiction so strong, and so hard to break, that I finally figured if I write about it that somehow it will lose its grip on me, so read on. I started “dipping” smokeless tobacco as a teenager. I was only a weekend smoker, but smoked when I drank. Then, after many years of being a closet smoker, my daughter caught me on the porch one night and I came out. I’ve made the same promises to quit that I did while drinking, but unfortunately I’ve been unwilling to admit that I’m powerless and lack of nicotine makes me irritable and anxious. Just a few years ago, I was snow bound in a cabin in the Tennessee mountains when I paid 40 dollars for a truck with snow chains to bring me cigarettes up the mountain. That is insane and embarrassing all in one sentence. I began vaping over a year ago to wean off of the addiction to cigarettes, but got sick at the high altitude in northern Arizona last summer, and then picked up replaceable cartridge e-cigarettes. So far, the verdict is still out. I’ll vacillate between e-cigs and nicorette gum to calm the cravings. Add to the fact that I’ve tried other NRT (nicotine replacement therapy )methods like the patch to no avail. I do nothing half way, and nicotine has been no different. I want to change, but the question is the same. Am I willing to turn it over, throw in the towel, and admit it’s controlling me like pills and booze did? Not a big deal you say, then let me add the costs. Those were monsters to admit and accept and overcoming not only the cravings, but the habit has been extremely difficult with nicotine as well. If you have suggestions, please feel free to message me. Nicotine is a killer and I don’t want to die knowing that it’s preventable. I watched my aunt die of lung cancer and believe it or not, the last thing she wanted before she passed was a cigarette; another cunning, baffling, and powerful addiction that I want to overcome….good day!…b

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