Prayers

 

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For God to have restored my sanity, I had to ask. For him to relieve my obsessions, I prayed.  Today, my prayers have changed. If talking to God were as formal as I once made it out to be, then I would have stopped long ago. It’s just the acknowledgement today that nothing, absolutely nothing, I have or ever will have is because of how much I deserve or how hard I’ve worked. I know people who work hard and have little. I know people with lots who have never worked a day in their lives. One has peace, the other chaos. It’s not work or money that defines success as much as the perspective that all gifts are from God; all blessings from the Maker of it all, and I must share them.  I believe today when I once had fear and doubt. Addiction does that. It bleeds me of all resources, strips my dignity, warps my mind, and leaves me feeling shame and remorse.  I simply do not have the power within me to pull myself out of the ditches of life. That is why gratitude lists are so important for me to write because I forget, get left of center, and start thinking the world owes me. As if I truly deserve it. If I had gotten what I deserved, it wouldn’t be the life I know today, I can assure you. So I have to be grateful for the peace and serenity I have even in the middle of storms. They will come, they will pass. Nothing ever stays the same for very long. I’m grateful for change now too. But most of all, I’m grateful for living close to a recovery community that is solution oriented. People sharing their hope, faith, and courage in ways that remind me of the nearness of my Creator. After all, He took the obsession away and restored me to sanity.  Thankfully, I’ve never forgotten those simple prayers…..good day!…b

 

 

 

 

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