Dreams

imageDreams, I am learning, can be found in a simple place and time. I had rather live in this world than live in another and wonder all the time what’s going on around me. When I used, days would pass where I could not recall where I’d been, who I was with, or what I had done. Those are blackouts, but now I can recollect events of my past much better that my mind is clear. My thoughts are much more fluid; my mind not blown. What happens when I use is that I can’t stop. Nothing can stop me…not loss of income, kids crying, bills not paid, relationship threats, or family interventions. Sometimes I would get so puzzled by my actions and reactions that I would wonder how it had all come to where I’d be. Frustrated, exasperated, disillusioned, and full of terror, I would awaken to fight one more day. And that’s where dreams come true. I had always dreamed of a better life, I just didn’t know how to bridge the gap to freedom. Now, I do what I have to do because I want to, and that is a freedom I never had when I lived enslaved to drugs and alcohol. I see more clearly also the destruction I caused. Looking back, the tornado’s path I left was wide smattering paths of utter destruction; endless relationships where I took and took and decisions that I made out of self centered fear that totally put me in harm’s way. I love page 25’s paragraph in the BB that starts with there is a solution. No man likes the leveling of pride it takes to consummate the man that I want to become. But that is where the work starts, and recovery begins. Old ways of thinking and acting don’t bring about change, action does. And that’s how dreams get made….good day!…b

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