Honesty

imageHonesty can be brutal for me, but today it seers  my conscience when I get so keyed on “telling someone the truth.” I get an adrenaline kick, too. But then I feel bad because I hurt people’s feelings at the expense of my own ego. Telling someone something hurtful isn’t necessary today. The steps teach me that when talking about amends that it’s just not necessary to do so if it harms others. We all have a history, a past. I certainly do, and God didn’t put me here to get sober and tell others how to run their show. We each have a show too. To the outside, I look put together nicely at times, and other days I am a fragmented mental basket case. Frankness can be necessary, but curtness is rude. I can tear down rather than build up with my thoughts, actions, and words. And what does this have to do with sobriety you ask?  It means everything to me. I experienced a psychic change when God removed the obsession. He removed the obsession because I remain willing to do the work. I got a new sponsor in my new home, will attend a book study tonight, and at four years sober, I still go to 4-5 meetings a week. Why?…because if I’m honest, I have to admit that’s what it takes for me. It’s my medicine, my therapy, and my way of giving back. I want to live free. I want to experience life sober. I want to hold a woman in my arms sober. I want to die sober. So, to do so, I have to get real and honest without stepping on others toes. It’s necessary for me to survive. Honesty is the one indispensable ingredient,for a former swindler like me, that I must work toward daily. Otherwise, my conscience bothers me and I can’t stop thinking bout that….good day!..b

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