imageOne of the true turning points in my recovery happened a little over four years ago. I finally got thru the self imposed  prison and fear of letting someone else know my dirty little secrets. I knew I was a drunk and  pill head, but deep down I didn’t want to shed too much light on it. Others, I found out, knew long before I had a clue. I really wanted to change years ago, but I wasn’t ready or willing to take suggestions from others who had been down the same path. I talked instead of listened. I knew it all I thought, and I still was going to do it my own way. I shake my head, but I get those who are new in recovery that are just like me. We somehow believe we are going to reinvent the wheel.  Here’s where the insane part lies. I have a disease that, irregardless of the negative consequences, convinced me that I would quit tomorrow; yet, years passed before tomorrow came. I swallowed my pride, and finally asked another man how he was staying sober. I had periods of being miserably dry before, but I still hadn’t given up on the idea that I could drink like normal people because  I  enjoyed it for a long time. In fact, it became, inseparably, my best friend. I loved it so much I spent nights in jail, stood and lied before judges, had my license revoked, lost my right to bear arms for two years, and paid tons of money in lawyers fees and court fines, but what baffles me is thinking it was everyone else’s fault. The book doesn’t use the term sponsor but what it does say at the beginning of chapter 7, first paragraph, is profound. “Nothing so much ensures immunity from that first drink than working with another alcoholic.” Many of us want it, but the question I must ask myself each day is, “am I willing to carry the message of hope to those still suffering?” After all, people are primarily watching my feet. A sponsor and an ex girlfriend taught me that and I’ll forever be grateful to both of them. Today, I have a new sponsor in a new place and what does he do? He conducts a Big Book study every Monday night in someone’s home. That’s carrying the message of hope; a legacy I want to continue in my own recovery. Have you called your sponsor today? I plan on calling mine…….good day!…b

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