Recreational use and Addiction

imageAddicts are the world’s finest manipulators and creatively deceptive people. I know because I am one. First, the disease of addiction lies to me, I believe the lie, partake or imbibe, and almost instantly a switch flips and I become a con artist. And somehow, I believed, when all evidence proved contradictory, that I was the recreational pot smoking, pill popping, beer guzzling guy next door. Invariably, I’m the one who gets burned. Now that I have had time to process my past thru working a thorough fourth step in AA and CA, I see more clearly how my perceptions to life have been warped. There is one important ingredient to truth and that is the fact that it doesn’t lie. I don’t have the resources or the will power in me to stop when I start. That qualifies me as an addict. It doesn’t matter which mind altering chemical. What matters is what changes. I don’t understand how a man can drink two beers and walk off any better than he can understand how I can’t stop after two. And that is the difference in a recreational user and me. I know people who can take two puffs off a joint at a concert, and they may not smoke it again for two years, but my disease says “more, more, more.” My brain says, “Let’s amp this buzz on up,” and that’s where the lies start. I’d be hungover as Hades and I tell you that I’m fine. I’ve had 18, and I tell u 8. I’d be at the local bar, and I’ll say I’m in the drive thru at Chick Fil A. The crazier part is I would run outside to tell you for fear you will hear the background noise of the bar, just to keep you on the hook. It’s a sick, dishonest, and self serving way to live. Today, I know better, and I do better all because I submit to the honesty of knowing that one toke, one beer, or one pill is not going to do it for me. I have a mental obsession and physical allergy that takes over and no human power can relieve me of it when it kicks into gear. So I stay sober one breath at a time to keep that phenomena of craving from starting. There is no debate anymore when I tell you that I was never any good at getting “recreationally” high…..good day!…b

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