Having Fun

imageMost of us at some point in our lives want to look cool, act cool, and have fun. Individuals who want to stand out from the crowd end up doing what the “cool” people do, I had always thought. Each one of us looking to something outside ourselves to validate and make us feel special. “I just got to be free,” I would think. Yet, drugs and alcohol enslaved me. I thought I had to party to have fun because that’s what the cool people did, but it lost it’s luster, and I was only getting high to feel normal. Nikki Sixx, founder of the rock band Motley Crüe and still its bass player, tells the story of how it all began for him. His mother left him at age 3, his father at age 6, and at the age of 13 he found himself homeless but still dreamed of being a rock star. His dream came true and in his own words, “woke up addicted to heroin, so be careful what you wish for.” Sober and clean, the single father of four is a photographer, musician, fashion designer, and a recovering addict today. He nails the epidemic plaguing our country as good as any I’ve heard. ” Whether you live in a million dollar mansion, or your homeless, if you’re addicted, we all say, I’ll quit tomorrow.” Oh the countless times I’ve said such. The crazier part is that I meant it. I can pick the poison, but an addict can’t ever get enough. The only way out is thru death or withdrawal. Here’s the question I ask myself now. Do I want to be the guy in the coffin, or the guy in recovery? There is no middle ground for me anymore. The most insane moments of my life were when I just thought I was having fun. It made music better, sex better, and killed the pain I thought. Just like Nikki, the most freeing moments have been forgiving the people that I thought had done me wrong, whether real or imagined. Working the 12 steps has taught me that. Sobriety is a good life, and I live in the solution rather than the problem now. I was given the gift of my life back and I owe mine by helping the next man because we all have a God size hole to fill. Today I have growing teenagers, a job, home, vehicle, clothes, and food in the pantry. Those are gifts given to me in sobriety that I had lost appreciation for along my disillusioned journey. I fish, ride my bike, jog on the beach, read, go to meetings, go out for dinner, and hang with my friends in recovery. We laugh, hug, and talk about our tragically comic blunders. A glum lot?…hardly….good day!…b

One thought on “Having Fun

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s