Self Pity

imageThere are many reasons we all can feel sorry for ourselves, but for an alcoholic like me to wallow in self pity is not only poisonous; it’s lethal. It has taken me years to be able to recognize when I’m there; yet, understanding can still allude me. That’s why I need the accountability of a sponsor and friends to give me their perspective on where I am……….. but here I go. A busy week of family, fun, Thanksgiving, and football are all ahead. The family wedding of my niece was yesterday. I traveled 8.5 hours thru maddening holiday traffic Friday. Never mind that I have a bad cold and am physically sick. You see where I am going now? It may not be apparent at first,  but look closer and you will hear “ME” in it all,  and somewhere I become the victim and martyr. That’s what working the steps do for me. They have shown me that without admitting that I am the problem, there can be no solution. So, my brain lulls me to sleep wanting you to feel sorry for poor, pitiful, me. Talking about a problem without offering a solution is whining, and let me tell you that for the longest, I was a whiner. The same old “somebody done somebody wrong song. ” How can I first recognize, identify, and get back to the idea that no one’s out to get me, that it’s my perspective that is really screwed up? First, I have to remember my disease is spiritual in nature, and the farther those dark voices get in my head, the more sick I become. Inversely, the spiritual is the last part most of us get when attempting to change the only way of coping with problems we have ever known, but I’ve used up my ticket to chemical piece of mind. I must learn to trudge thru the traffic, the event, the holidays, and the craziness of busyness and commercialism that resides in my head around this time of year. After all, the sinuses will get better, the kids will be fine, the turkey will get cooked, and the traffic flow will subside. And hopefully the in-state rivalry football game on Saturday will be a win for the good guys. It’s life, we all have one, and no one has too much time to revel  in the fallen seed of my self centered pity party……blessings….b

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