Hard December

20161204_103953To be the most wonderful time of the year, it can be frightenly nerve wracking with  Christmas functions, family roles, and the ever growing wave of super-sized mega toys on the market. Whatever happened to an apple, orange, Bible, and mounted fish for Christmas? In the words of Dolly Parton, “it’s a hard candy Christmas.” That’s part of the magic tho, the song itself which dwells on the possibilities for spending this Christmas and the time thereafter in any number of ways: moving somewhere new, losing some weight, or cleaning out the garage.  Gritty, sad, out-of-luck, and ultimately hopeful, it’s an ideal refrain whether you’re scraping through an isolated holiday or reflecting on the larger general ebb and flow of life’s fortunes. Blessed beyond belief, let me just say, “God be with us all.” For an alcoholic even in recovery, the holidays can be tough to make it thru without drinking.  Feelings evoked by memories sometimes can’t escape the wrath of crushed grapes. The good news is that God removed my obsession for drugs to give others hope and thank Him for all he has done. That’s God’s will in my life today, and for that I’m grateful. He can take a wretched drunk, with a high or low bottom, and set him on his feet again to live one day at a time sober minded. Ask any addict, and we will tell you how horrible a mess we make of ourselves. The most insane part is that we do it mostly against our will. The countless times I swore off so that everyone around me could have a somewhat peaceful Christmas made me miserable. So, I would drink again, thinking I could handle it and Christmas would be bearable; that each new day would be better than the last. I finally surrendered to the old idea that somehow it would be different the next time.  I’m free because the causes of my bondage that made me a slave are gone when I surrender. The memories of just a few years back when I drank and drove around with the kids in the car looking at Christmas lights are enough now. I can play the tape thru, as we say. Unfortunately, I don’t remember too many of those Christmases before I got sober.  Now my thoughts can turn to others, like the families who lose their loved ones to addiction way too soon. That’s where my heart goes, to the burned out and seared up places that remind me that there are others who still suffer from a disease with no known cure; just a daily reprieve.  The relief I get with God and with “God in skin” is indescribably wonderful and reason to celebrate in good or bad times, no matter the time of year….good day!…b

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s