imageI often say that just because the circus leaves town doesn’t mean that the monkeys are gone. Others are just brutally honest when they share that they feel ‘bat shit’ crazy at times. I have been awakening to the latter more often lately. The good news is that I don’t have to lie in bed and figure it all out anymore. I embrace it, accept it, read the second full paragraph on page 86 (AA Big Book), ask God to direct my thinking, and then go about my day. I medicated my moods and feelings for a long time, dreaming that I could somehow manage my consumption. Drugs and alcohol change me, and I don’t have willpower to control the amounts I take once I start. That, purely, defines my alcoholism. The difference is that today I have gotten more serene with the mundane. This life would never have happened if I hadn’t asked for help and for God to radically change me. To the world it may seem extreme, but to me it became a choice of life or death. To go to the bitter end or to seek a spiritual solution are not always easy propositions to face, the Big Book suggests. Many pursue the delusional thinking that occurs with heavy drinking into insane hospitals or death. Addiction is killing people now much younger and much faster. Marco Pantani once was the world’s fastest climber in professional road cycling. He could scale 17% inclines at a whopping speed of 30 km. A dimunitive but hearty Italian winning both the Giro and Tour de France in the same year  has never been duplicated. In a sport where doping became an international scandal, he mysteriously disappeared into a world of drugs, confusion, and an untimely death. How could that happen to an extremely disciplined and healthy athlete whose resting heart rate was an incredible 46?  He never accepted his powerlessness; gifted on the one hand, cursed on the other. It’s a world of polar opposites to find the balance it takes to live sober even when it feels like an uphill climb…..good day!…b

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