Until then

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Jails, institutions, or death are what’s left after I have exhausted all resources and decided a drink would be a good idea. But I’ve never actually sat down and had a drink. There is not enough beer in Boston to take me to where I want to go. Triggers create a thought. That thought produces an action. I’m either going to a meeting or going to the package store. Thankfully, because I remain willing and teachable, my truck no longer pulls me into the Tom Thumb for one more trip down memory lane. I got another wake up call this week when a friend called to tell me that a mutual friend of ours had overdosed and died. It’s becoming alarming, but I remain close to the firing line to remind me of what happens to those of us who’ve used up our tickets to chemical peace of mind. I almost predicted it, sadly enough. He began to isolate from those of us who would tell him the truth. He stopped wanting to hear the message of hope and became unwilling to do what had taken him thru the last two and a half years sober. First came the job, then a second job, then the girlfriend, and then excuses about why he wouldn’t take suggestions. Then, out with a bottle and needle. I mean within two months, out like a light. Dreams can get smashed that quickly.  These are our stories; at least those of us who are riddled with the disease of addiction, and death still stings like a red wasp. The gut wrenching, heartbreaking stories we tell are tragic enough. I had to pick and choose between a life or death proposition, and until then, I’ll keep taking one breath at a time. Many of us fight to the bitter end rather than to practice the art of surrender. It’s not always easy, but I’m glad I found my tribe. They give me reminders of what can happen when I get sidetracked with my little designs and plans that fail. I have to remember that not every detail will be worked out like I want.  Fortunately, there is a solution and a fellowship of men and women who may be dysfunctional at times, but still keep me amazed at what can be accomplished when we merge into groups and help one another….good day!…b

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