Cinco

imageJust like that, it’s been five years since I had my last drink. I really only wished I could say that it comes without help and work. It’s a disgustingly filthy, vile, and ultimately fatal condition when I’m throwing them back. Those dead soldiers that are still in the box…..empty….with the lids twisted back on like it was someone else who had left them there. The twisted, sordid thoughts of chronic alcoholism can run free in my head, and I can forget it’s still just a day at a time deal, just like I forget my debit card PIN. I still lose my wallet, lock my keys in my car, and forget to put the toothpaste lid back on the tube. All while trying to see my part in a world that unfolds each passing day of my life. I have accepted that I never will have it all down just right. I’ve also resigned myself to fixing what once was broken. I don’t have the power to change my past, but I can learn what hasn’t worked and use the lessons to help others who, for some alcoholic reason, drank just like me. As we say, “one was just never enough”. I suffered from a narcissistic and hedonistic mind set that unless I was going to benefit, then I would leave it to someone else to handle. The book calls it self centeredness. Yes, I can be that guy. Today, thanks to the promises of hope I found thru working the steps of AA, the desire to drink has been lifted, but I fought the notion that I was a drunk long before I would admit it. The spiritual axiom is that each day I surrender to win. Acceptance really is the answer to all my problems, and when I believe it and respond accordingly, then days become months and months turn into years. I was able to pick up my bed and walk a free man; from bondage to freedom. That’s the how and why of it. Half a decade alcohol and drug free is a long time for a man shackled to the next drink……and the next, then the next, and then the door. I know, I had to be shown it many times before I would admit complete defeat…..good day!!… b