the Director

I’ve always wanted to run the show as far back as I can remember. Even farther back than when  Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams said, “just build it and they will come,” but we all know a  rudderless director is like a ship with no captain when the sails give way. It’s every man to himself looking to find the answers to questions like, “how do I move on from here?” I had to hit bottom before I sought help.  I had tried it for twenty five years my way, and found that even alcohol and drugs couldn’t fix me. It’s been a long hard row to hoe. I simply had to learn to stop trying to control and stop playing God. I am blessed today with a Father who still loves me and an earthly father, who at 85, still sets a good example of what love, faith, and hard work can do….and he credits God. At 35, a father and son of drinkers, he found God on his terms, and to my knowledge has never had a drink since. He has never left any doubt in my mind who the Director is in his life. I had to drink a lot more for a little longer and lose at the game to be convinced that I was no longer good at managing my own life. Coming to terms with that has taken a lifetime of lessons in humility. If I remain willing and stay humble, only then do I have a chance;however,  I am grateful for those lessons that I learned doing it my way. I could share all that I’ve lost and then some, but that is not my point. Let me share with you what I’ve gained…peace, serenity, and a happy soul. If I had not learned the lessons on what wasn’t working, I’d be stuck or dead, of that I am certain. God gave me my life back when I became willing to let Him direct the show. It’s hard for others to follow the leader when the one who thinks he runs the show doesn’t show up. What is attractive to me now is watching other’s lives change when they begin to follow the dictates of a Higher Power, God, in His infinite wisdom showing up to direct and lead when the student is ready.  Not a day before or a minute after, but always right on time to take away an obsession so powerful that it had warped me into believing that it wasn’t killing me. It’s much easier now learning to walk in harmony while I watch the show unfold without having to put all of the pieces together in a scene that would only seem to be just right…good day!…b 

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